Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Master Negotiator

Here's a conversation I had with Barbara, the owner of Wild Birds Unlimited where I "work" once a week.

"Hey Barbara, did you know you have a genius working for you?"

"Well, I knew Diane and Sandra were pretty smart, but which one are you talking about?"

"Very funny. I need to tell you about my most recent idea."

"I'm not buying a carbon offset from you, if that's what you want."

"No, no. you don't need to buy anything." Barbara looked dubious. "See, I've been wanting to make a new flowerbed in my backyard, but I have to get permission from Teresa first. She has this thing about not wanting to come home and find the entire yard dug up."

"Imagine that."

"I know, she's weird that way. Anyway, I was outside this afternoon moving the hose around, trying to figure out just the right configuration for my flowerbed, and..."

"Is that why you were late for work?"

"As I was saying before you interrupted, I finally got it right, but there was a problem. It was too big."

"You mean you haven't found enough suckers to buy plants for you?"

"Well, that too, but what I meant was, the bed takes up half the yard. There was no way Teresa was going to approve that. So guess what I did."

"Do I want to know?"

"Yes, because it involves you."

"Oh, Good Lord."

"Please, just call me David. Now I need to give you some background here. Teresa has been wanting a fountain in the garden for a long time, but we haven't really had the money, so she has kind of given up on it for now. So what I did was to walk out in the middle of the bed and say, 'I think we need a centerpiece of some kind here...but I don't know what.' After pausing for dramatic effect, I snapped my fingers. 'I've got it! That fountain Barbara has at the store!"

"What did she say?"

"Well, let's just say that I'm getting a BIG new flowerbed, and you're going to be selling a fountain soon."

"I'm speechless. I'm so accustomed to your schemes costing me money that I don't know what to say."

"How about, 'You've worked so hard lately, you deserve a raise'?"

"I didn't realize you wrote comedy too."


Carol said...

You ought to AT LEAST get a discount on the fountain!

Carol, May Dreams Gardens

Katie said...

David - you had me snorting and chortling over this post. You're sense of humor is great. Thanks for the laugh. And don't forget to keep us updated on the fountain/flowerbed.

Katie at GardenPunks

Lisa at Greenbow said...

Hi Dave, I have been wondering what you have been conniving, I mean creating in your garden lately. Looks like it will be wonderful specially with a fountain in the garden. That will be sweet.

Carolyn gail said...

You never told me what you were smokin' when you hatched the carbon offset plot. Now I see you've been burning the midnight oil hatching new schemes !

Whatever happened to " women are from venus and men are from mars ? " It is apparent to that as a master negotiator you really know a woman's mind. That's scary.

Gloria said...

David, you are a genius. Tell us about this fountain.

Mary said...

It's definitely large enough and worthy of a fountain. The ones I've seen at WBU are wonderful. Can't wait to see it! The birds will love it and Teresa will, too!

Jim/ArtofGardening said...

Wow. Manipulating your wife AND your employer?

I can learn from you.

Q said...

Hi David,
The fountain and the flower bed will be incredible. Any way to add a small pond for water gardening?
The birds will love the water feature and a comfy spot for Teresa could make it easier for the next flower bed.
I love the way you involve your entire life into the garden. With your ability to install outlets electricity should be easy too, right?

The Garden Faerie said...

You are hilarious! I love the whole conversation, but most especially:

"Oh, Good Lord."

"Please, just call me David."